Keeping Thanksgiving Civil

By Ella Pierzecki

Thanksgiving — a time for giving thanks, eating turkey and spending time with family. Maybe seeing close family or maybe it’s family you haven’t seen in a while. You may find yourself forcing small talk with your family or twiddling your thumbs in awkward silence. For many families, this small talk may turn into disagreement. Especially if family members have conflicting political beliefs. We are coming off the heels of an especially tense election season, after all.  

Regardless of who you voted for, you may be feeling anxious heading into Thanksgiving this year. To help, I put together a list of tips to keep the holiday civil.   

My first tip is to focus on gratitude. This is what Thanksgiving is all about. Something that has helped to diffuse tension in my family, is beginning our meal sharing something we are thankful for. This sets the tone early and helps to establish a positive atmosphere.  

 This next tip may seem obvious, but try to avoid discussion of controversial topics like politics. If a touchy subject is brought up, you could try redirecting the conversation towards something more positive.  

If you’re worried about not knowing what to talk about, I would suggest preparing conversation starters. To be honest, this tip helps me before any social gathering I attend. Some of my favorite topics are sports, the weather or what you’re doing in school. You could also consider sharing family stories. If you want to make the conversation Thanksgiving themed, consider these questions:  

 

  • What’s your favorite Thanksgiving dish? 

  • What was Thanksgiving like when you were a kid? 

  • If you had to eat one Thanksgiving food for the rest of your life, what would it be? 

  • If you could invite any famous person to Thanksgiving dinner, who would it be? 

If you don’t think any of these topics will work for your family, consider discussing Christmas plans, what you will buy on Black Friday or something looking towards the upcoming holiday.  

Next, if your family has kids around, try to keep them in the mix. This will help keep a lighthearted environment. Also consider playing games to focus on something other than awkward conversation. A classic Thanksgiving game that I always recommend is spoons.   

Finally, if you don’t think any of these strategies will work, leave the conversation. This exit strategy could be something as simple as checking on the dessert or going to the bathroom. Take a breather and return when you feel ready to re-engage. If you don’t feel able to re-engage, you can try finding a new family member to talk to. But if all is going very bad, there is no shame in heading home.  

If you want to engage in political conversation, treat family members with whom you disagree with respect. Disagreement does not have to be uncivil. You can be civil with a loved one, even when you don’t share their political views. If you’re in a disagreement with a family member, know that you may not change their opinion just as they likely won’t change yours. You can approach these conversations with a sense of curiosity while trying to learn why they disagree.  

 Disagreements are not always a bad thing. Disrespectful disagreements, however, can become a bad thing. Approach conversations with an open mind, and finally, remember to enjoy your Thanksgiving meal. 

Posted on November 18, 2024 .